4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
