I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
