see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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