He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
