Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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