Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
