First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So vagazzling was a success
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