just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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