Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think my vagina is haunted
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you didnt know i had herpes?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
