I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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