if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
