I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
