he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just made my gag reflex go away.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
