I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
