spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
