he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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