I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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