Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
