I showed him my bush... on skype.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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