everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
