Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
