I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
