I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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