My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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