I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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