Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
