And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
