So drunk, too bad you don't want this
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
