how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
