i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Sorry my hands just texted you
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
