this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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