I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
