take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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