absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
