1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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