these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
