I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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