I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
