Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
