Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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