somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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