It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
