I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
