Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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