just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
