Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
