I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
