checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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