You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
