What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
